QUESTION: If your partner preferred straight hair, would you change your routine?
A couple days ago a fellow natural-haird friend text me a picture of her new haircut. I knew she was going to the salon to for her six week deep condition and trim. On this visit she also decided to get her hair flat-ironed just to do a length check and even out her ends.
Later I asked if she liked her straight 'do or if she preferred her curly fro? She said she loved rocking her fro, but her boyfriend liked her hair straight. She went on to tell me the story of when she walked into the house (after her salon visit) and her boyfriend exclaimed how much he "loved" her hair and told her "preferred" her new straight do.
I reminded her that when they started dating, she had a curly/kinky fro and wore it for much of their relationship. She agreed and said that he always mentioned how he'd like to see her hair straight and he never really preferred afros on any girl. This had been the first time he saw her hair straight.
Currently, I'm not in a full time relationship, but this situation left me thinking, "What if I started dating someone and he preferred for me to wear my hair straight? How would I feel? Would my love/like for this person make me change my current haircare routine?"
Lot's of people have hair preferences for their mates but most make an exception for the relationship. With the natural hair movement going strong, how many mates really prefer straight hair?
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3 comments:
I am lucky to have a partner that has equally appreciated and loved my bald head, weaves, dye jobs, braids, plaits, and everything things else I've done to my head. He seems to show a generous amount of admiration for every style I have (I've been natural 5 years before we dated but he did know me with a perm). I think a lot of his understanding has to do with the fact I include him and his opinion in a lot of my style choices, so he always feels like its his choice too. I would never just abandon what I want, but his opinion does matter. So if it means straightening my hair every couple of months, then why not. Some of my natural hair sistas get so caught up in the emotional journey, that they forget that their partner is along for that same emotional ride.
I think a lot of men like straight long hair. My honey, of course, prefers my hair pressed straight. I like it too but, it doesn't always fit my active lifestyle. One of the things I love about being natural is the versatility. So why not press it every now and then if he prefers it? It doesn't make me less "natural" for doing so does it? I think It's important to sometimes ask the boo for input when you plan to make changes to your hair. Some women don't understand this and think it's a control thing but, I want him to be attracted to what he sees when he looks at me and vice versa. If he decided to grow his hair out I would be devastated...I love that bald head, lol! But in my asking I have found that there are some natural styles that he loves to see me in. So I say, include the boo on the natural hair journey...every man is different so, you may be surprised by what he likes if you just ask him.
OK...I can relate to wanting to be attractive to your mate, but if he was attracted in the beginning with nappy hair, then it shouldn't be an issue. I'm sure she can find things about him that she would prefer he change, and that's where you will have a problem. Most men wont change their appearance for a woman, but we have to live by these insane standards of beauty and I think its time we express what WE want instead of trying to please the masses.
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